It’s difficult to take a movie seriously that is based on a self-help book based on a line from an episode of Sex and the City. Evidently, it’s even more difficult to sit through it. He’s Just Not That Into You opened last week, much to the chagrin of possibly every self-respecting woman north of the Mason-Dixon line. To be fair, the scene in Sex and the City in which the line originally appeared was pretty astounding. For once, a television protagonist didn’t do the whole faux-advice-cum-therapy shtick but instead told it like it is; if he’s not calling, he’s just not that into you.

But then there was that dumb book purchased by even dumber women. Seriously, I’d like to be introduced to one of these foolish women who actually spent money to read a book, the thesis of which is already made blatantly clear by its title. Who are the morons paying money to be told something so obvious? There ought to have been a chapter called “If You’re So Pathetic That You Pay To Be Rejected By a Book Title, He’s Just Not That Into You.”

The movie mires itself in reductive female self-loathing. Despite an all-star cast including Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly, and Ben Affleck, the script is so replete with static characterization and shamefully stereotypical dialogue, there is no saving it. We’re presented with the insanely desperate for male acceptance Gigi, the insanely desperate for marriage Beth, the insanely desperate to sleep with a married man Anna, and on and on it goes. Mostly, the movie follows Gigi, an overzealous dater, who so wants a boyfriend that she would probably commit to a man left vegetative from a coma just to be in a relationship. Yet as she shirks her duties as a copywriter, tells a guy mid-makeout that she can’t wait to kiss him again, and essentially stalks all of her dates, we’re left wondering, “Who would be that into you?” By the time forty-five minutes of film time have passed, all that’s really left is anathema for every character in the damn movie, and the cameo appearances of women discussing modern problems of love have upstaged the performances made by the big names. Bottom line: I’m just not that into this pathetic excuse for a movie about pathetic women.

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