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Mar 12 2009

Dumb and Dumber: The Weirdest Cosmetic Surgery Procedures

Published by Jennifer at 5:23 pm under Uncategorized

These days you can make your body pretty much whatever you want with a bit of collagen or silicon and a lot of money. Cosmetic surgery has given Ashlee Simpson a straighter nose, Pamela Anderson bigger breasts, and Joan Rivers, well, a cryogenically horrifying face. You can nip and tuck your way to any appearance. Ah, the American Dream.

But plastic surgery isn’t just about lipo or breast implants or nose jobs. It gets far better than that. I mean, the sky’s the limit! And if you want to investigate some very strange vanity, you need look no farther.

The Umbilicoplasty

I remember being shocked at age four when I discovered that belly buttons can stick in or out. Suddenly, I really wanted an outie belly button– until I got distracted by graham crackers. Evidently, some people never let go of the dream though and have umbilicoplasty performed to change the direction of their belly button.

Dimple Fabrication

Yes, you too can look like this kid. And I’m not talking about any procedure which requires hormone therapy. What I mean is that there are doctors who can actually give you facial dimples. Personally, I think it would be much cheaper to pop a pain killer and whack yourself in the face with a sharp object, but I hear the scarring can be problematic.

Pubic Hair Transplants

Hair plugs have always been a laughing matter to everyone that doesn’t have them, so why should pubic hair transplants be any different? I know a lot of women that spend loads of time, money, and wax on keeping their proverbial lawns manicured, but I guess some people will never let go of the 70′s.

Botox Armpit Treatments

You know what I just hate? Pit stains. But that’s the beauty of deodorant. Now, however, some people think they’re so beyond Lady Speedstick that they’re actually getting Botox injections in their armpits to prevent underarm sweating. Why go to CVS when you can go to a 90210 MD? Well, I can think of a few reasons.

Calf Implants

We’ve seen loads of breast implants. Everyone and their great-grandmother has them lately. (Well, at least that’s true of the cast of characters on The Real Housewives of Orange County.) But now you can also get calf implants if you feel under-endowed below the knees. I always thought that pants were great for chicken legs, but some people just need to wear shorts. And I blame that, like many other problems in America today, on Jessica Simpson.